you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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