that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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