im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
