yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
