why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dignity is for republicans.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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