Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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