Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
