Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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