he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
