can we get nightvision for the apartment?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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