Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
