Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
