But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
