That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
