the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
