u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
