Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize