I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
