a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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