For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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