You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
