You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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