ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
