im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
