yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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