I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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