At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
