sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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