what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
