my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
