If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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