You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize