so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Two words: nipple clamps
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