Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
