Will you blow on my dice?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
