We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
