do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Less talking, more tequila
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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