you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
