I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
