WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize