Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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