Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
