all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
that is very illegal...i love you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
