now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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