Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
