So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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