Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize