I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
