its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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