I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
