I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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