I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
