Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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