ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
