today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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