think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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