My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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