No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
