I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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