I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
