my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
