Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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