I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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