I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
