i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
