I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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