these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
