Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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