There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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