So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
