I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
